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04/07/2006: ""

Life has been tuff lately. Alot coming up through my body. Alot of realizations, and alot of pain. Alot of illusions shattered. Realizing how conditioned I am. How nothing I thought was true, how nothing was what it seemed. The world needs to fall apart sometimes, for you to comprehend the real you, not this construct that we create to survive, that is infact destructive, self and otherwise. School is going well. Escrima is going well. I think about the fact that experiences have repeated themselves down through the ages. Some animal 50 million years ago, was eating, drinking water, having sex, and sleeping just like I am today. In human history all the dramas have played themselves out over and over again. Oppressive states crushing rebellions, or rebellions winning and becoming oppressive states. (bitter, and paranoid from body memory of danger) Loyalty and betrayal. Murder, and compassion. People fleeing to other countries. Suicides and opiate addiction. Self-hatred, and self-esteem. Eaten with guilt, or overwhelmed with joy. Mass murder, mass roundups. Life has never been easy. Life has never been safe. The heretics have been burned at the stake, locked away in prison cells, or given ECT in mental insitutions. But the people behind it are far from "bad". Many of them know that what they are doing is "horrible", but their kharma is already so tainted, and the world makes those decisions, going along with things, being apart of oppressive apparatus' the easiest, and the safest, even sometimes the most fruitful. And we are all of us, animal, plant, fungi, protozoa or bacteria, organisms hell bent on survival, because survival ensures the continuation of our genetic lineage. Proof: I wouldn't be here, if my ancestors were completely selfless, so neither am I completely selfless. No matter what choice you make, that choice is not pure. There is no pure good, or pure evil. You can designate one group of people the "good guys", and be so sure of their goodness, that you do "bad" things as a part of their cosmology, and it makes sense to you. You can be one of the people who just accepts the world the way it is, and decides that joining what you designate as the "good guys" is a futile move, destined to failure and death, and so you take a more moderate position, and also end up doing things you view as "bad" because their is no alternative in your cosmology. You can be so completely cynical and numb, that you do "evil" things just for the fun of it. You can be one of the people who is so assured of your "goodness", that when confronted with what is "bad" from someone else's point of view, you get incredibly defensive, feeling that your honor is being challenged. If you are not humble, you will be humbled. If you are not afraid, you will be made afraid. If you are confident, you shall be shattered.

Replies: 1 Comment

You are right.

qozo said @ 11/14/2007 09:39 AM CST