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09/08/2005: "All the Things that bother me"

Alot of things bother me. Most of all my own actions that I regret. Also the fact that we are wreaking havoc on nature. The fact that my life seems devoid of meaning sometimes, and escapist activities make up the bulk of it. I dearly hope life on Earth survives humanity, and I also wish humans to survive and somehow be able to live sustainably. I wish myself to be a good person, and conduct myself with integrity. I have had lapses in the past. In my confusion I have said, or written things that I sorely regret. I have been an embarressment to myself at times. I crave fufillment emotionally, socially and physically.
(this is the R complex of the brain)

I can't stand that I'm a part of things that are oppressive, yet I haven't yet been able to give up my privelage. I like the safety of my bubble. I like having parents that will support me financially. It bothers me deeply, that my comfort, my level of joy, my ability to spend my time introspecting, is not at all based on my character, but on processes out of my control. It bothers me that I'm not willing to do all it takes to take myself out of the processes that are destroying the planet and other people. It bothers me deeply what the future will be like. I can't imagine a universe without life on Earth. I can't imagine not being alive. I can't imagine NOTHING.

Replies: 34 Comments

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