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07/08/2005: "ODE TO LIFE"

I feel like a brilliant, unloveable, freak of mind winds blowing so strong in my conscious intuition, startling magnified visual phenomena cloud my optic nerves. Love so strong my heart has burst into a thousand tiny fragments, mad love that is beyond expression except as nervous glances or blushes, but no caresses to heal my diseased soul. Mad love that would be worth dying for if it made a fucking difference. Mad love for brilliant people who retain that speck of joy and creativitiy, the kind only children have. I bring forth the storm to awaken from age old hurt. I bring forth the storm to assess the rain honestly. I bring forth that storm to bring me back into my body, to come down from my cross, and live out a small prophecy, an unnoticed prophecy, a prophecy only pertaining to me.

A prophecy that will never be recorded in writing or stone but will putrefy and decay with my death. That is my destiny.
That is my perogative, that is my ideology, to feel rain on my skin, twirl a bamboo stick, and feel it connected to my heartbeat. A heartbeat that contains uncried tears, a heartbeat that is the pulse of uncreated masterpieces, a heartbeat yet to know or express the depths of intimacy, I hide from the world in my skull, I cry schizophrenic anguish from imagined suicides never to be carried out, but to die and bring forth change. I die and bring forth growth. I've died and died again, and I'm not finished. I was first born 3 billion years ago (give or take a few), I was an aqarius then, and I'm an aquarius now. I am yet to witness a yellow sun grow to a red giant and swallow me in flames and truly know love then, to truly know intimacy then. To watch loneliness die with my heartbeat, your heartbeat, our heartbeats, engulfed in hydrogen flames.

Replies: 35 Comments

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