Friday, July 20, 2007

Ramama Maharshi
I have recently been trying this meditation based on the teachings of Bagavhan Sri Ramana Maharshi. Essentially all you have to do is anytime thoughts occur ask yourself "To whom do these thoughts arise?" The answer is naturally "To me" To which you reply "Who am I?" When thoughts are not occuring, "Who am I?" should be the only thought. Thus effectively dismantling the self based on Memes and residing in the capitol S self. I have noticed that I notice less seperation between me and my environment, have less of tendency to reduce my life and other people to stories and images, which will in the long run allow me to connect more deeply. It has been a long sleep, a long time being brainwashed and conditioned, a long time residing in memories and regrets. "But to whom have these thoughts arisen?" "To me", "Who am I?" In Olympia I ended up on a softball team, hung out at a wonderful punk house, had stressful growing experiences, at times worried about impending death because of asthma. Thats enough for now. Have fun. Oh, I'm at a coffee shop on Alberta.
posted @ 01:50 PM CST [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [No Comments]

Ramana Maharshi
I have recently been trying this meditation based on the teachings of Bagavhan Sri Ramana Maharshi. Essentially all you have to do is anytime thoughts occur ask yourself "To whom do these thoughts arise?" The answer is naturally "To me" To which you reply "Who am I?" When thoughts are not occuring, "Who am I?" should be the only thought. Thus effectively dismantling the self based on Memes and residing in the capitol S self. I have noticed that I notice less seperation between me and my environment, have less of tendency to reduce my life and other people to stories and images, which will in the long run allow me to connect more deeply. It has been a long sleep, a long time being brainwashed and conditioned, a long time residing in memories and regrets. "But to whom have these thoughts arisen?" "To me", "Who am I?" In Olympia I ended up on a softball team, hung out at a wonderful punk house, had stressful growing experiences, at times worried about impending death because of asthma. Thats enough for now. Have fun. Oh, I'm at a coffee shop on Alberta.
posted @ 01:48 PM CST [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [No Comments]

Ramana Maharshi
I have recently been trying this meditation based on the teachings of Bagavhan Sri Ramana Maharshi. Essentially all you have to do is anytime thoughts occur ask yourself "To whom do these thoughts arise?" The answer is naturally "To me" To which you reply "Who am I?" When thoughts are not occuring, "Who am I?" should be the only thought. Thus effectively dismantling the self based on Memes and residing in the capitol S self. I have noticed that I notice less seperation between me and my environment, have less of tendency to reduce my life and other people to stories and images, which will in the long run allow me to connect more deeply. It has been a long sleep, a long time being brainwashed and conditioned, a long time residing in memories and regrets. "But to whom have these thoughts arisen?" "To me", "Who am I?" In Olympia I ended up on a softball team, hung out at a wonderful punk house, had stressful growing experiences, at times worried about impending death because of asthma. Thats enough for now. Have fun. Oh, I'm at a coffee shop on Alberta.
posted @ 01:47 PM CST [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [No Comments] [more]

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

sex positive me!
I think I am actually for the first time in my life becoming sex positive. Embracing my sexuality. This is the first time in my life where i have had the psychic strength, and it takes an enormous amount of psychic strength. People who have naturally embraced their sexuality and just faced a hostile world, probably cannot relate to me. There were so many layers of self-denial at work in me that this has been quite a task. But layer upon layer is folding away. I am molting. Now I've never fucked, never woke up after a night of being lovers, never had these experiences, and if all of you already self-realized people can listen for a second, I can honestly say that there is insight in my experiences. And perhaps, like a flower in bloom you will hear of positions and creativity you have never dreamed. Because the effort of realization that has brought me to this point has taxed me immensely. But after many necessary experiences, after drownings in despair so potent, no epiphany is given easily. But I feel on the verge of many epiphanies, seriously, and perhaps they will be heard. This is perhaps the dawning of a renaissance in my life, an embrace of my existance without the layers upon layers of fear that once stifled it. And look as I might I found only pieces of wisdom from different sources. Coming from all sources including Christianity like pieces of DNA that found their way into the bacterium that is me through bacterial sex, memetic sharing. I took those pieces of DNA and composed my own gene. Another thing, all this talk of embracing my sexuality for the first time may sound silly coming from a male raised person. The funny thing is this embrace is so personal, so internal, giving myself permission to desire, and to pursue those desires. To honestly express them. And oddly enough it's tied to an embrace of both life and death, of every experience, of the exact present as the molecules flow around me, and through me, the action potentials causing my actin and myosin fingers to contract on this keyboard. And what kind of butterfly will emerge from this pupa, I still do not know, and it will be interesting to observe this, and allow these things to happen. I believe Rumi said something to the effect of "love is not something you make happen, but a process of discovering how you are not letting it happen". That is what I am discovering. It is not a matter of getting from A to B, but of being a vehicle of love.
posted @ 02:10 AM CST [link] [Karma: 4 (+/-)] [No Comments]

Friday, April 7, 2006

Life has been tuff lately. Alot coming up through my body. Alot of realizations, and alot of pain. Alot of illusions shattered. Realizing how conditioned I am. How nothing I thought was true, how nothing was what it seemed. The world needs to fall apart sometimes, for you to comprehend the real you, not this construct that we create to survive, that is infact destructive, self and otherwise. School is going well. Escrima is going well. I think about the fact that experiences have repeated themselves down through the ages. Some animal 50 million years ago, was eating, drinking water, having sex, and sleeping just like I am today. In human history all the dramas have played themselves out over and over again. Oppressive states crushing rebellions, or rebellions winning and becoming oppressive states. (bitter, and paranoid from body memory of danger) Loyalty and betrayal. Murder, and compassion. People fleeing to other countries. Suicides and opiate addiction. Self-hatred, and self-esteem. Eaten with guilt, or overwhelmed with joy. Mass murder, mass roundups. Life has never been easy. Life has never been safe. The heretics have been burned at the stake, locked away in prison cells, or given ECT in mental insitutions. But the people behind it are far from "bad". Many of them know that what they are doing is "horrible", but their kharma is already so tainted, and the world makes those decisions, going along with things, being apart of oppressive apparatus' the easiest, and the safest, even sometimes the most fruitful. And we are all of us, animal, plant, fungi, protozoa or bacteria, organisms hell bent on survival, because survival ensures the continuation of our genetic lineage. Proof: I wouldn't be here, if my ancestors were completely selfless, so neither am I completely selfless. No matter what choice you make, that choice is not pure. There is no pure good, or pure evil. You can designate one group of people the "good guys", and be so sure of their goodness, that you do "bad" things as a part of their cosmology, and it makes sense to you. You can be one of the people who just accepts the world the way it is, and decides that joining what you designate as the "good guys" is a futile move, destined to failure and death, and so you take a more moderate position, and also end up doing things you view as "bad" because their is no alternative in your cosmology. You can be so completely cynical and numb, that you do "evil" things just for the fun of it. You can be one of the people who is so assured of your "goodness", that when confronted with what is "bad" from someone else's point of view, you get incredibly defensive, feeling that your honor is being challenged. If you are not humble, you will be humbled. If you are not afraid, you will be made afraid. If you are confident, you shall be shattered.

posted @ 01:07 PM CST [link] [Karma: 1 (+/-)] [1 Comment] [more]

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Going to school
School is so tuff! I'm taking Biology, Calculus I, Brazillian Jujitsu, wu shu kung fu form, and History of Asian Art. Keeping track of all I have to keep track of, doing the work to the satisfaction of the teachers, being prepared for quizzes and tests is difficult and stressful even when I am interested in the material. Because there is a huge seperation between being interested in the material, and being able to complete the busy work. For instance today in biology lab we were looking at cnidarians, nematodes, and several other animal phyla. Phyla are the largest branches of the animal kingdom, the basic body plans. Cnidarians are things such as jellyfish and I think choral. Nematodes are tape worms, and flatworms. This is very interestin stuff and I could have spent hours looking at these things, but No! The assignment is that we have to race around the room, drawing these things, and correctly labeling them. It's the difference between being genuinely interested in learning, and proving yourself to get a degree. It would be all fine and dandy if I weren't OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND emphasis on fucking. Sitting in the classroom, having to listen to lectures that drag on way too long, with too much emphasis on memorization and I am reminded of why last year I was applying for SSI for mental health disabilities. Because it is hard, extremely difficult to function in the "outside world", tasks that I was obviously barely evolved for. And no I'm not complaining I have it great. I'm well fed, I live in a first world country, I'm white, I'm biologically male, so I get that privelage too. (I DO NOT IDENTIFY AS MALE AS A GENDER THOUGH, I IDENTIFY OUTSIDE OF THE STUPID FUCKING BINARY THAT HAS TAKEN TOO MUCH OF A HOLD ON THE HISTORY OF OUR SPECIES) And that is pretty much what I think of so much of everything it is so utterly bullshit. And it was much easier to sit at home, letting my parents pay my cheap rent, figuring out how to actually take care of myself (the basics were difficult but I persevered). Life has been great lately. I have made alot of breakthroughs. Even the fact that I took the risk to go through the trouble to go to school with all that entails was a huge breakthrough. The fact that for a while now I've been keeping up on a shit load of the chores around the house. The fact that I do tai chi every morning, alternating with the yoga I know. (sorry for cultural appropriation), and that I'm starting to become proficient at martial arts. These are huge breakthroughs, and there are more to come, I am sure of it. I'm yet to have sex, or even make out with anyone in a long time. (now that is coming out of the closet!!!!). I don't even know when or what form that kind of intimacy will take.(if ever) I'm kind of embarressed that I like female bodied people, and not typically male bodied people. I find that embarressing. I wish I was more bisexual in my taste in other people's physical forms. (Although when I was younger i had a few big crushes on male bodied people, it hasn't been that way in a long time). I'm embarressed for other people like that, because I find it a very boring demographic about myself. In a sense I almost think (and I'm not saying this is right) that I don't have a right to sexuality with other people because of the fact that the people I'm sexually drawn to are female bodied, and I am male bodied. But then there is the gender queer perspective of the likes of Leslie Feinberg, and maybe I should dispense with those concepts altogether. But EVERYONE uses them, and even the transfolk are often jumping from one gender to the other as if there are only two, or variations on the two. And then to top it off, I like to wear dresses, and lipstick, but if I hadn't felt severly threatened around where I live for dressing like that, I would dress that way all the time. Not to embody stereotypes of femininity but because it's playful and it feels good. Anyway I'm losing inspirtation, and I'm tired. My great friend Niatni is home and I want to see more of hir (ambiguous gender pronoun). And I just entertained the presence of another dear friend, but they are alas gone. I am ready to go home from the dreary PSU campus where i'm yet to make a friend.
posted @ 08:59 PM CST [link] [Karma: 17 (+/-)] [27 Comments] [more]

Saturday, October 15, 2005

These days that I'm living
As time moves on, I feel more and more anti-social. I feel more and more withdrawn into my little world, my safe little cacoon, free of the possibility of social rejection, free of mediocre experiences, free to live in the grandeur that is my mind. Lately I have been reading 2010: Odyssey Two to my friend Nirvana Fairbanks. It is one of my favorite stories. Although growing up it was the movie that dazzled me. This is what I mean by living in the grandeur that is my mind. I have also been doing alot of body energy work, I hope that doesn't make me a yuppy. Tai' chi (moving into yuppy status), acupuncture, and occassionally yoga (I'm there whether I want to be or not now that I've admitted that) although that sometimes strains my neck. I want to be the most flexible, emotionally grounded godess (gender neutral) there is. Well, not in the world. But I want to be expressing my full potential. I want to be great at martial arts. I want to have multiple PhD's. These are goals that I can work on now that I've forsaken the human world (I'm partially joking), living in a cave being a hermit even though I live at Garfield house and am infact quite social. The downside, is that I want to risk coming out of that cacoon, but there is no way at this point. I have crossed that line so far where you have utterly given up all dignity, and now I get it through being hidden, enigmatic, secretive. The exact opposite of what I once experimented with disastrously.
posted @ 11:53 PM CST [link] [Karma: 2 (+/-)] [793 Comments] [more]

Monday, September 12, 2005

The darkest period of my life
I have just emerged from the darkest period of my life. Things still look dark in alot of ways but not that dark. Everything I took to be real ceased being real. Thats the best I can put it into words. Everything I was struggling for and against, ceased to matter, ceased to be an objective. Even matter ceased seeming so solid. It was like dying while being alive. It was definitely touching on spiritual enlightenment. But I also had no clue what to do, and so I coped with it the best that I could.
And I don't think I handled it that badly, even though I handled it terribly.

I still regret alot of things. The fact that I swamped a few people with mad, rambling e-mails, or didn't respect their emotional boundaries. I regret that people might have felt uncomfortable with me, and the fact that I couldn't find solid ground beneath myself. Honestly, I still can't find solid ground beneath myself, but I now take responsibility for my reality in a way that I didn't. Whats mine is mine, and what is yours is yours. And some madness is completely mine. RIght now, I'm leaving this relic of my consciousness for you to read like ruins. One day I will be dead, but words spoken by me may still be alive. Words themselves are very much alive. So even though I may very much regret things I said or did. Thinking about how uncouthe, and insane, and cowardly I may have seemed, you don't find where the solid ground is without moving.
posted @ 07:22 PM CST [link] [Karma: 7 (+/-)] [3084 Comments] [more]

Thursday, September 8, 2005

All the Things that bother me
Alot of things bother me. Most of all my own actions that I regret. Also the fact that we are wreaking havoc on nature. The fact that my life seems devoid of meaning sometimes, and escapist activities make up the bulk of it. I dearly hope life on Earth survives humanity, and I also wish humans to survive and somehow be able to live sustainably. I wish myself to be a good person, and conduct myself with integrity. I have had lapses in the past. In my confusion I have said, or written things that I sorely regret. I have been an embarressment to myself at times. I crave fufillment emotionally, socially and physically.
(this is the R complex of the brain)

I can't stand that I'm a part of things that are oppressive, yet I haven't yet been able to give up my privelage. I like the safety of my bubble. I like having parents that will support me financially. It bothers me deeply, that my comfort, my level of joy, my ability to spend my time introspecting, is not at all based on my character, but on processes out of my control. It bothers me that I'm not willing to do all it takes to take myself out of the processes that are destroying the planet and other people. It bothers me deeply what the future will be like. I can't imagine a universe without life on Earth. I can't imagine not being alive. I can't imagine NOTHING.
posted @ 12:14 AM CST [link] [Karma: 6 (+/-)] [34 Comments] [more]

Saturday, July 9, 2005

Bach's inventions
My favorite pieces on the piano to play lately are Johann Sebastian Bach's 8th and 13th inventions.

posted @ 03:13 PM CST [link] [Karma: 4 (+/-)] [41 Comments]

The Haunting

The Haunting is a movie based on Shirley Jackson's novel "The Haunting of Hill House". It is a movie that I relate to deeply. The insanity and ackwardness of the main character as she dives deeper into the house, captured under it's spell.

The movie is terrifying. The book is beautifully discripted. There are so many lines within it that have so much significance, about insanity, about supernatural expriences, and about trying to discredit your own subconscious. There is much about alienation, and feeling so codependent on those around you, and just being so happy to have friends, because you haven't.

There is much about gender relations, subtle hints about homosexuality, and a violent abusive father-figure as house.

What makes the story so rich is the interactions of the main character Eleanor Lance, with her environment and the people in it. Her sensitivity, and knack for being easily hurt coupled with the daring adventurousness of Theodora. And then there is Doctor Montague (Marquet in the movie) who might be said to represent scientific understanding probing in an "objective", unfeeling, unempathetic manner into the realities of the house, and ignoring the sufferings of Eleanor and Theodora.

Both of the male characters (I'm assuming they identify as such) are not targeted with the horrors of the house. The house persecutes Eleanor, and Theodora, and finally Mrs. Marquet. But most of all Eleanor.

I think the thing that makes The Haunting the scariest movie ever in my mind is the fact that it touches on some things that are deep and subconscious including just growing up in an abusive household, and feeling out of control. I think perhaps that is why the movie has always affected me so deeply is that I felt very much like Eleanor Lance when I first saw it. At the time I wouldn't have been able to put that into words, much less been able to admit that. But my deep identification with Eleanor Lance and her lonely madness drew me in so deeply. As well as just an icky, fear of mortality.

posted @ 02:25 PM CST [link] [Karma: -5 (+/-)] [788 Comments] [more]

Friday, July 8, 2005

I feel like a brilliant, unloveable, freak of mind winds blowing so strong in my conscious intuition, startling magnified visual phenomena cloud my optic nerves. Love so strong my heart has burst into a thousand tiny fragments, mad love that is beyond expression except as nervous glances or blushes, but no caresses to heal my diseased soul. Mad love that would be worth dying for if it made a fucking difference. Mad love for brilliant people who retain that speck of joy and creativitiy, the kind only children have. I bring forth the storm to awaken from age old hurt. I bring forth the storm to assess the rain honestly. I bring forth that storm to bring me back into my body, to come down from my cross, and live out a small prophecy, an unnoticed prophecy, a prophecy only pertaining to me.

A prophecy that will never be recorded in writing or stone but will putrefy and decay with my death. That is my destiny.
That is my perogative, that is my ideology, to feel rain on my skin, twirl a bamboo stick, and feel it connected to my heartbeat. A heartbeat that contains uncried tears, a heartbeat that is the pulse of uncreated masterpieces, a heartbeat yet to know or express the depths of intimacy, I hide from the world in my skull, I cry schizophrenic anguish from imagined suicides never to be carried out, but to die and bring forth change. I die and bring forth growth. I've died and died again, and I'm not finished. I was first born 3 billion years ago (give or take a few), I was an aqarius then, and I'm an aquarius now. I am yet to witness a yellow sun grow to a red giant and swallow me in flames and truly know love then, to truly know intimacy then. To watch loneliness die with my heartbeat, your heartbeat, our heartbeats, engulfed in hydrogen flames.

posted @ 11:42 PM CST [link] [Karma: 9 (+/-)] [35 Comments] [more]

Saturday, July 2, 2005

The Born in Flames Conference
Recently I went to the Born in flames conference. Actually I think it was last week. I only went to a few workshops. It was interesting, and necessary.

Of course it's such a big thing to deal with collectively. Sexual assault, and abuse. It is very, very complicated. Where do you even begin to deal with such things? I do think it is great that there are so many such abusers that are being called out, and exposed. That this is something that so many people don't want. Growing up in St. Louis, remembering back to my childhood. There was no recourse for sexual assault, or any abusive behavior for anybody, or so it seemed to me. (especially in the local punk scene and it's activist counter-part) I did not have friends that I felt good around, that i felt I could be myself, that it was safe. I was around alot of not-safe people who did not make me feel good inside. And as someone biologically male, especially as an adult. I don't have many of the same worries that many of my biologically female friends have. Not that sexual assault is only from men, or only toward women. Because it is not. (women rape women, men rape men, and sometimes women rape men) Personally I have never been raped. I have had my physical boundaries violated by people bigger then me, but not in an overtly sexual manner. But it did make me super, super conscious of boundaries, and wanting people to be safe around me. Even though my psyche is very turmultous, and fucked up. Very few women that I know have not been sexually assaulted. And some men that I know have been sexually assaulted. I don't know what terms to use, because I also don't really believe in the gender binary. And personally don't identify as male. But I look male, I have been treated as if I am male. So in that sense I receive the benefits of male privilage.
I guess my reason for not identifying as male, is looking far into the future, or maybe the past, I'm not sure which to something more creative and fluid. I mean in alot of ways everything becomes cliche. Transgendered thinking of the likes of Kate bornstein and Leslie Feinberg, and the subculture that is now blooming, becomes cliche to me. Infact trans is often taken as becoming the opposite. In my case I more just want to escape it if possible, become some non-gendered, trans-species variation. That is why intitially i wanted to be she (all the time). Now I like zie. I just want something more neutral. Being male is boring.
posted @ 10:57 PM CST [link] [Karma: 1 (+/-)] [No Comments]

My thoughts today
I really want to write fiction, but for now, I'll have to just add journal entries. Life is weird. I was just exploring wikipedia, the internet encyclopedia. I live at a house about 10 blocks from this library. I love the seclusion of escaping. And just learning about things intellectually. The house I live at is a tumult of experiences. So if I want to be social, it's not hard to do. There are lots of interesting characters to play with. Nirvana, Dave, Miriam, Tamara, Grant (all though he is never around). But for right now, I wonder off to the library. I don't forsee myself having a job anytime in the near future, and so this is the kind of thing I enjoy. That or figuring out the size of the solar system for the globe. One of the people I see once in a while, said that I'd ruin my brain with all that stuff. Well maybe, if my brain isn't already ruined. Or not ruined, but warped from living in such a strange time period. Besides I don't have romantic relationships, I live in a very cerebral, sometimes isolated world, and I have to cherish the experiences I get to have, and not spend the whole time period of my existance feeling sorry for myself. So yeah, I had ten minutes to write a journal entry. This morning I did some yoga (culturally appropriated of course), it releases alot from my body, allows to me to change the way I function in the world, perhaps less closed off, and tense. More engaged to my surroundings and the people in them. For me learning to take care of myself, to do chores, to be engaged to have these sorts of routines has been an epic adventure, of the most fearsome proportions, and in many ways I have triumphed. And am continuing to learn. This life is not long, and then I will be eaten by bacteria, and insects, and maybe even scavengers (hopefully). And the life of this planet isn't that long geologically. Before long complex life will die, and the last bacteria will be roasted under the intense heat and energy of the sun gone red giant. But for the moment I am here.

Maybe tomorrow I will write a review of the movie THE HAUNTING based on the shirley jackson novel of the same namesake.
posted @ 05:42 PM CST [link] [Karma: 2 (+/-)] [No Comments] [more]

Friday, July 1, 2005

If the globe in the dining room were really the actual Earth
The Earth would be 3590.8 meters from the sun which translates to 2.23 miles

The globe is 30.56 cm in diameter or 12.03 inches
Mercury would be 11.3 cm in diameter or 4.45 inches
It's distance from the sun would be 1392.3 meters or .86 miles
Venus would be 29.33 cm in diameter or 11.54 inches
It's distance from the sun would be 2591.4 meters or 1.6 miles
Mars would be 15.58 cm in diameter or 6.13 inches
It's distance from the sun would be 5.491 kilometers or 3.41 miles
Jupiter would be 3.35 meters in diameter ot 10.99 feet
It's distance would be 18.67 kilometers or 11.6 miles
Saturn would be 2.76 meters in diameter or 9.05 feet
It's distance would be 34.23 kilometers or 21.27 miles
Uranus would be 1.13 meters in diameter or 3.7 feet
It's distance would be 69 kilometers or 42.9 miles
Neptune would be 1.05 meters in diameter or 3.44 feet
It's distance would be 108.18 kilometers or 67.23 miles
Pluto would be 13.75 cm in diameter or 5.413 inches
It's distance would be 141.8 kilometers or 88.13 miles
The sun's diameter would be 33.42 meters or 36.56 yards

The moon would be 3.28 inches in diameter
It would be 30.3 feet from the Earth (dining room globe)
It would travel 3.17 inches/hour in it's orbit

Velocities of planets in their orbits
The Earth would travel 8.43 feet/ hour (this is the speed all globes of the Earth would probably travel were they the real thing), this means it would also travel 202.32 feet in any given day
Mercury would travel 13.562 feet/hour
Venus would travel 9.7604 feet/hour
Mars would t ravel 6.867 feet/hour
Jupiter would travel 3.7 feet/hour
Saturn would travel 2.733 feet/hour

Uranus would travel 1.932 ft/hr
Neptune would travel 1.54 ft/hr
Pluto would travel 1.34 feet/hr

Volume of planets
Mercury .76 Liters or 1.6 Pints

Venus would be 13.18 Liters or 3.4 Gallons
Earth would be 15.16 Liters or 4 Gallons
Mars would be 1.98 Liters or 2.09 Gallons
Jupiter would be 19,400 Liters 5,125 Gallons
Saturn would be 10,992 Liters 2,904 Gallons
Uranus would be 750 Liters 198.1 Gallons
Neptune would be 603 Liters 159.31 Gallons
Pluto would be 1.36 Liters 1.437 Quartz
The Sun would be 19,531 Kiloliters or 19,531,000 Liters or 5,160,105.6 Gallons
The Moon 302 milliliters or 10.2 fluid ounces

Weight of planets based on average densities according to scientist people
Mercury 3.9 kg or 1.79 lbs
Venus 67.218kg or 30.55 lbs
Earth would be 37.9 lbs
Mars would be 7.92 kg or 3.6 lbs
Jupiter would be 25 metric tons (Megagrams) or 22.9 short tons
Saturn would be 7.69 metric tons (Megagrams) or 6.9 short tons
Uranus would be 1.32 metric tons or 1.2 short tons

Neptune would be 1.2 metric tons or 1.09 short tons
Pluto would be 5.4 kg or 2.45 lbs
The Sun would weigh 27,500 Metric tons or 10,257,500 lbs

The Star Betelgeuse (A super Red Giant in the Orion constellation) would be 8 miles in diameter

A few moons
IO 3.44 inches in diameter. distance from jupiter 33.17 feet, velocity in orbit 4.9 feet/hr, weight = 3.757 kg or 1.71 lbs
Europa 2.95 inches, distance = 52.8 feet from jupiter, velocity in orbit 3.9 feet/hr, weight = 2.025 kg or .921 lbs

Anyway that gives you some idea of the size of the solar system. That it is huge. Interstellar distances are still unfathomable. Alpha Centauri, the closest star to our sun is still way past the moon. And the size of the galaxy is still tremendous let alone the visible universe. Not that anything anybody says is necessarily true. I'm not endorsing any cosmology or world view only playing around with one of them

posted @ 02:03 PM CST [link] [Karma: -6 (+/-)] [30 Comments]

If a second encompasses an entire year
Monolith discovered 4 seconds ago

I was born 26 seconds ago

The Nazis were defeated 1 minute ago
The Civil War 2 minutes 25 seconds
Napoleonic wars 3 minutes 12 seconds
Johann Sebastian Bach born 5 minutes 19 seconds
Joan of Arc killed 9 minutes 33 seconds ago

Islam begins 22 minutes 54 seconds ago

Constantine joins christian faith 28 minutes 12 seconds
Augustus made emperor 33 minutes 36 seconds

Alexander the Great 39 minutes

Hammurabi and his code of laws 1 hour 6 minutes ago
Agricultural revolution 2 hours 46 minutes
cross bering strait 3 hours 19 minutes ago
colonize Siberia 5 hours 33 minutes ago
Neanderthals disappear 11 hours ago
The Great Leap Forward 14 hours ago
Neanderthals appear 1 day 12 hours ago

first homo sapiens (according to some expert people) 5 days 18 hours ago
Crude stone tools appear 29 days ago
ancestors habitually walking upright 46 days ago

humans parted from chimp cousins 80 days ago
chimp ancestors parted from gorillas 104 days ago
orangatangs parted from chimps and gorillas 185 days ago

ape ancestors diverged from monkeys 312 days ago
K/T Event Meteor hits earth? extinction of non-avian dinosaurs 2 years ago

Cretaceous period 4.63 - 2 years ago
Jurassic 6.34- 4.63 years ago (Height of age of dinosaurs)

Triassic 7.86- 6.34 years ago
Permian- Triassic Mass Extinction caused by who knows what?
7.9 years ago
Permian period 8.876- 7.86 years ago

Carbiniferous 10.778- 8.876 years ago
Devonian period 12.94 -10.778 years ago (first vascular plants/ tree like ferns)
Silurian period 14.05 - 12.94 years ago
Ordovician period 15.5333 - 14.05 years ago
Cambrian period 17.18- 15.5333 years ago

Rise of animal life (multi-celled eukaryots also known as metazoans)
17.18 years ago
initial animal diversification 22.19 years ago
The second Snowball Earth period (globe looked like snowball covered in glaciers)
25.36 - 19 years ago
Eukaryots appear (one celled life that invented sexual reproduction)
50.72 years ago
Plate Techtonics begins (this is questionable) 79.25 years ago
First Snowball Earth 77.67 years ago

World became aerobic (bacteria now breath oxygen which initially was poisoness) 79.25- 69.74 ya
Life appeared (all one celled prokaryots) 123.6 years ago

period of heavy bombardment (earth being hit by lots of projectiles, surface molten)
142.6- 120.46 years ago
Earth/ solar system formed 142.65 years ago

Big Bang occured 475.6 years ago

Isn't that neat?

posted @ 02:47 AM CST [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)] [47 Comments]

Who am I?

My name is Kassandra Hiroshima. I live in Portland Oregon at a house called the Garfield House.

I am an interesting person, who feels crazy alot, and is looking for any outlet to express myself in this nonsensical, bizarre world using a nonsensical, bizarre body, and the vocal chords in that body, or in this case just my finger muscles and joints. I don't understand why I was born (or anyone else for that matter, animal or plant). I don't understand why anything exists at all! Why is there matter? And why does everyone take existance for granted as if it's just this thing that makes sense.
It doesn't make sense. And I guess that just comes from the conflict between a brain that wants to understand and a world that defies understanding. From this, all else stems in my existance. The fact that I wonder if I'm schizophrenic, or perhaps enlightened. Should I perhaps be on meds? Should I be on S.S.I or continue to receive money from my parents to pay my unusually cheap rent. One way or another I still want to survive.

But one thing is for certain, I love writing. I find it very grounding. I hope to explore those parts of myself and see just what is possible. I have so many thoughts on reality, history, society, animal life, plant life, space, the universe. And maybe I can convey those things through fiction and non-fiction.
All the while trying to carve out a niche for myself in this, the modern world.

That tiny fraction of time with which modern humans have graced the surface of this rock.
To give you an idea of how tiny of fraction of time humans have existed let alone used agriculture, or industry or electricity. I thought it would be neat to figure out how long ago events happened, if each year were reduced to a second. It turns out that the dinosaurs went extinct 2 years ago. Dinosaurs, we are now told were most likely warm blooded. O.K. enough of that. This is just an introduction to me, and who I am, and what are my motivations. I don't have much time. I will probably be dead in less then a century +- a few years.
Goodbye forever (just kidding)

posted @ 02:09 AM CST [link] [Karma: 8 (+/-)] [923 Comments] [more]

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Communiqué: Urgent message for the ELF from the ALF
At the “Rebel Alliance” headquarters, Joe and Alicia are enthralled
in a deep conversation.

The kind where all assumptions get thrown
out the window, like so much meaningless debris, and all the people
involved get to the root of the matter, the issues that define the
very crux of their existences. They are in the middle of cooking one
of the best stir-fries ever to have had the first world privilege of
being fried in a frying pan.

“The Revolution should be happening any minute”, says Joe. “Pass the
salt, would you dear?”
“The Revolution should be happening any minute”, says Alicia. “Pass
the curry powder, would you dear?”
“If Bush wins this election, there will be riots all over the
country”, says Joe. “Where’s the Tempeh?”
“If Bush wins the election, there will be riots all over the
country”, says Alicia. “Where’s the Tahini?”

“And then we can live out our desires, truly and fully”, says Joe.
“And then we can live out our desires, truly and fully”, says Alicia.
“I’m glad we agree”, says Joe.
“I’m glad we agree”, says Alicia.
There is a long pause; neither is sure what to say. Joe finally
thinks of something so deep and profound, something that never had
been brought to light since the birth of the wheel. His face
brightens in a visionary kind of way. An incandescent light bulb
appears above his head as if he has heard the voice of god. The
light bulb is burning brightly. Finally he says, his words like so
much poetry “So…. You wouldn’t happen to be going to Critical mass
this evening would you? By chance”
“Funny you mention that, because indeed I am going to Critical Mass
this evening by chance”, replies Alicia.
There is another long pause. Finally Joe says, “Do you think we’ll
beat the cops this evening?”
“Of course we will beat the cops this evening, because the good guys
always win. I mean we’re destined to win and the revolution should
be happening shortly”, replies Alicia.

“The revolution should be happening shortly, I agree. The masses
can’t be wrong. We’re destined to defeat our capitalist oppressors
any day now” They both glance at the clock in silent expectation.
“Especially since you are trained in martial arts”, says Alicia dutifully.
After flexing his muscles Joe says, “Especially since I’m trained in
martial arts, I’m destined to take out a few cops at the next demo.
Pacifism is Pathology, you know? I read that in a very good book, in
fact it was the title of a book that I highly recommend. You should
read it sometime. You should also read What Uncle Sam Really Wants
by Noam Chomsky. Noam Chomsky is a genius.”

“You are so well read, Joe. I could never be that well read”, says Alicia.
“I am so well read, and you just might be able to be that well read
too. You should come to our anarchist discussion group, woman. We
read anarchist books and then we discuss them”, says Joe.
“See, here’s a flier”
“That would be magical Joe,” says Alicia.
“Do you think after Critical Mass, we could go out and spray paint
radical anarchist slogans all over Portland?”, asks Joe respectfully.

“That would be great. In fact, I thought of a new radical anarchist
slogan today in Marine Biology 101, do you want to hear it?”
“I would be delighted. No, I would be more then delighted. I would be
thrilled”, replies Joe.
“OK, get ready. It’s really good”
“I don’t know if I can take it any longer. Tell me”
“OK, here it is”. Alicia says it slow and drawn out to emphasize
its grandeur. “BUSH IS A MURDERER”, she says.
There is silence. Finally Alicia self-consciously asks, “well did
you like it?”
“I’m speechless. I can’t even fathom your brilliance. Your genius
is too great for mortal ears such as mine. Indeed Bush is a
murderer, and I had never quite thought of it that way before”
“Not only is Bush a murderer”, replies Alicia emphasizing Bush, “he’s
a fascist”
“No, he’s a Nazi”, replies Joe, “just like Hitler, only worse”.

The stir-fry is finished. They call in all their comrades to
commence eating, for this isn’t just any day, it is Huey Newton’s
birthday and everyone must be well fed. In fact, there is a stunning
portrait of him on the wall right above the water filter and next to
the portrait of Che Guavara. Which just happens to be, next to the
portrait of Noam Chomsky. And that poster just happens to be next to
the Crimethinc poster that says “Resistance is Fertile”, and shows an
indigenous women somewhere in the world carrying a baby.

A few seconds later, BGH (Bovine Growth Harmone), Dan, Overcast, and
Josh saunter into the room heartily. Overcast sits on the counter
right above the drawer, which Alicia is trying to open so that she
can put silverware on the table. Overcast exclaims heroically, as
Alicia struggles to move him aside “We just came from the male
privilege group, and we just wanted to say to you, Alicia that we
100% support your struggle”. There is a long pause.
“What are you talking about?” asks Alicia confused.
“Your struggle against the patriarchy, and men such as ourselves,
ruthlessly brainwashed into being predatory males without the
slightest awareness of boundaries or ethics”

Everyone except Alicia and Overcast nod frantically in agreement. There is another longer
and more awkward pause, when suddenly Alicia exclaims excitedly.
“Well I just wanted you to know that I100% support you in your
struggle to 100% support me in my struggle. You guys are doing such
good work, and I want to encourage you to continue your work in this
“Whew!” says BGH. “This feminist stuff is exhausting. And I feel
attacked. Let’s go watch the Simpsons and unwind. That show is truly

Epilogue: Ah Gender! What an issue! Featured on Prairie Homo Companion

There was a gathering of so much importance that it was messianic in
scope. Every year in Southern Missouri along the Black River,
flowing slowly and muddily through its hilly valley. Women gathered
for the Ozarks Women’s Music Festival at Johnson Shut-ins. Hundreds
of thousands of women gathered to see bands of a wide variety, many
of which were punk or riot girl. It was fun. It was not only fun it
was pleasurable. It was an enjoyable experience. People moshed
around. People hooked up with each other either for the duration of
the festival or sometimes for something more long-term.
Bands and solo artists such as Tribe 10, Lingerie Murder, Team Dread,
Diamond Glasses and Pipsqueak Car came to the festival to rev things
up. Tribe 10 at one time had been a controversial performance, but
now even they were an established part of the festivities.

There was only one problem, but it was a most serious problem at that, a
controversy that threatened the very fabric of the gathering.
Everyone seemed to have strong convictions on the matter, and even
best friends were sometimes seen arguing passionately on the way to
the different activities awaiting them.
The Ozarks Women's Music Festival only allows entrance to womyn born
womyn, and most importantly no alternatively identified species are
allowed. An animal such as a squirrel, a robin, or a spider must
identify as what they were born as. The same goes for plants. A
shrub cannot identify as a bush. A bush cannot identify as a tree or
the other way around. Violets cannot be roses. And roses cannot be

Both of these are strict policy, and they are both
enforced most seriously.
So in response, many transwomen and transmen arrived to protest,
along with a crew of various cats that identify as dogs, humans that
identify as Cambrian era sand worms, and catfish that identify as

On top of that one might encounter, deciduous that
identify as coniferous, algae that identify as one-celled animals and
elephants that identify as hippos.

Most of the animals' and plants still preferred to be addressed with the pronoun “it” and others only
by name. Of course, for the most part the non-human animals tended
to stay in the background, in the woods, in the Black River or only
occasionally flying over to perch on some distant vertiginously high
branch. In other words, they weren’t really a visible presence.
Most of the transwomen and transmen didn’t and weren’t able to show
solidarity with their brethren because they weren’t informed and so
therefore couldn’t be good allies. What they started together became
a tradition. Camp Gender Rebels and Species Freaks. It was such a
hit that it has become a separate institution altogether, a large,
well-attended and quite chaotic party. In fact most of the trannies,
animals and plants, mind you, can’t afford to go to the Ozarks
Women’s Music Festival anyway.

posted @ 01:27 PM CST [link] [Karma: -7 (+/-)] [5 Comments] [more]

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